


ocean

by kalmgeyama



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Ash Lynx Goes to Japan, Ash Lynx Lives, Ash Lynx Needs A Hug, Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, How Do I Tag, M/M, Okumura Eiji Needs a Hug, One Shot, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-16
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-24 20:27:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30077868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalmgeyama/pseuds/kalmgeyama
Summary: This isn’t a dream, Eiji reminds himself, finally lets himself believe it.
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji
Kudos: 48





	ocean

**Author's Note:**

> well, this is a mess (but then again everything I write after midnight is a mess) and I haven't written anything with these two in a while, but I wanted to share this anyway! hope you enjoy <3

The waves are gentle as they break on the shore, a constant hum in Eiji’s ears. Standing here, with his bare feet on the sand, under the soft glow of the sun, he wonders how he found the energy to get up again back then, when the sound of the ocean wasn’t there to fill the silence, to wake him up, to lull him to sleep, to welcome him and wrap its arms around him whenever he came to the beach to find the strength to go on. He wonders what he would have done if he hadn’t found this place back then, exactly the moment he’d needed it.

“It’s beautiful.”

A smile touches his lips at the sound of Ash’s voice, but before he can dwell too much on the feeling of relief that washes over him, before he starts crying for what feels like the hundredth time, he focuses on the waves again and takes a breath.

“I told you, didn’t I?”

Footsteps, light and slow and patient, and then the warmth of another body standing next to his own. He knows Ash must be looking at him now, but he can’t bring himself to look back at him just yet.

“So you’ve been here all this time?”

“Ever since I heard that you…” Eiji bites down on his tongue, his mouth going dry. Why is he such an idiot? He clears his throat, tries to find his voice again, ignores the weight of Ash’s eyes on him and says, “Ever since I came back.”

“I see.”

There’s silence, and Eiji uses those few minutes to get a hold of himself. These stupid tears just won’t stop coming. Ash is back, isn’t he? He’s alive, isn’t he? Eiji doesn’t need another reason to be happy. That’s all he wanted. He wanted Ash to come home with him, so why is he being so selfish? All he’s done the last couple of days is cry, and he knows it makes things harder for Ash, he knows, but all of this still feels unreal and he just can’t help it.

“Eiji,” Ash says, quiet but loud enough for Eiji to hear. “You know… you have every right to be mad at me for not coming sooner. If anything, I wouldn’t be surprised if—”

“Ash, stop it.”

“No. Let me say this,” Ash turns away from the sea and faces him. “Eiji, I knew. I knew you thought I was dead, I knew you were suffering, I _knew_. But I was a coward and I took too long, and if you need time to forgive me or if you feel that you can’t—”

“You don’t get it at all, do you?!” He hates how his voice breaks and with it all the emotions he’s been trying so hard to keep under control just explode inside of him. He can't stop them, and so he lets the tears finally fall, he lets himself finally look at him, he lets himself finally take a hold of Ash’s hand, he lets himself finally _believe_ , finally accept that this isn’t a dream he’ll wake up from any minute now, he lets himself stop being so afraid of losing Ash again, he allows himself to finally be happy that he’s there.

“I just—” A sob rises from the bottom of his throat, and he tries to wipe his tears away but it’s useless because the dam has already broken and they just keep coming. “I’m so happy you’re here!”

He covers his face with his hands, because he can’t bear to have Ash see him like this; not when Ash is the one who should be hurting, not when Eiji is supposed to be there for him and love him and comfort him and help him heal. Ash is the one who was hurt, not him. Ash is the one who got stabbed and was alone for so long, not him. Ash is the one who had to hide and didn’t know who to trust anymore, not him. Ash is the one who should be crying, not him, and so Eiji tries to make himself stop being like this, because Ash is back, and he’s alive, and that’s all Eiji's wished for this whole time and it is actually happening, and he really shouldn’t—

But then there are arms around his shaking body, holding him close, and the embrace is warm, so warm, and Ash’s hold around him is strong and kind and Eiji sinks into it and buries himself into that warmth and he cries, and cries, and cries, and he doesn’t even know how long he cries for, but Ash never moves away, never does anything to stop him, he just holds him, the way Eiji remembers he used to hold Ash back then, when Ash would wake up from a nightmare or when something horrible happened, and he just cries and cries and cries.

And when the tears stop coming, he feels numb and exhausted, like an empty shell of the person he’s supposed to be, but light and calm all the same, like he’s been holding onto the pain and sadness that came with losing Ash and missing him for so long and it's finally time to let go, finally time to open his eyes and stop being afraid that this is a dream he’ll wake up from sooner or later.

Ash doesn’t let go of him yet, and Eiji finds the strength to lift his arms and return the hug. Ash buries his face in the crook of his neck, and when Eiji feels him tremble against him and when Ash’s tears fall on his skin, Eiji holds him close too.

“I’m sorry I didn't come sooner.”

“Don’t be. You came, that’s all that matters.”

This isn’t a dream, Eiji reminds himself, finally lets himself believe it.

“It’s okay,” Eiji says, quiet and soft and gentle like the waves next to them. “You’re home now.”


End file.
